The relationship that got this blog started was the one started in 2017, caused me so much emotional strain, and still makes me feel the hatred and anger welling up in my chest, whenever I think of what I endured. I cannot fathom how I put up with that abuse as long as I did, how did it not occur to me to get the hell away from him at the first sign of his abuse.

At first I stayed with him because I was convinced I would be able to prove to him one scenario at a time, that his accusations were unfounded, I truly believed that a massive apology was just around the corner, and that I would be exonerated of any wrongdoing. After all, I had absolutely never cheated on him, so how hard could it possibly be to point out the errors in his logic. He was certainly giving me enough material to work with. And occasionally – I assume it was when he could see I was nearing the end of my rope – he would apologize and tell me whatever I needed to hear, he was very good at knowing just when he needed to apologize to prevent me from walking out and never looking back, and he knew just what he needed to say to prevent me from seeing the reality of this situation, to see it objectively as the toxic relationship it had become.

Eventually I realized I was staying with him waiting for the perfect opportunity to put him in his place. I didn’t know how it would happen, or what the situation would be, but I believed I would know it when I saw it, the circumstances that would prove the years’ of his wrongful accusations, and undeniably prove my innocence. However, this would be another mistaken belief, which I will address at a later post.

The reason I am returning to this blog is to help anyone else in similar situations to recognize it now, I want them to get out of their abusive relationships before it is too late. I have two years free of this relationship and I still feel the effects of his gaslighting, whenever I hear people arguing I feel myself entering fight or flight mode, and while I have always felt the frustration whenever someone is treated unjustly, or not believed when telling the truth, or being wrongly accused, there is no comparison to how strongly I feel now, the absolute anger I feel towards injustice or false accusations is unbelievable. I know this is anger I should have felt at the time, and it is my goal to help anyone see their situations in their true light, and in real time. Maybe this will lessen any long term repercussions that they may experience indefinitely.